Each woman deals with the possibility of pregnancy in a different way. Some people can't wait to find out but for others, they would rather not know. We're sharing today about someone who fits into the second group of people. For Chloe, it was just not a good time to be pregnant again. She didn't want to take a test even when all the tell-tale signs were there.
At Pregnancy Matters™, we understand this. We’ll move with you, at your pace. If you need a pregnancy test from us, you can order one here. And if you need to chat before, during or after taking the test, you only need to reach out for judgement free support via our helplines. As Chloe’s Story: Pregnancy Matters™ says, with time, things can look up.
Chloe’s Story: Pregnancy Matters™
“If I don’t take the test, I’m not pregnant.”
Not my most rational moment, but the thought was briefly soothing. I’d say it every time my anxiety spiked. It’s not that I didn’t want to be pregnant again, my partner and I had talked about it and we both wanted our family to grow, but my last pregnancy and birth were horrendous and dread consumed me. I was feeling overwhelmed, sleep deprived and struggling to keep on top of everything.
So I delayed taking the test.
As long as I didn’t know for sure, I didn’t have to address it just yet. But even when I wasn’t addressing it, I was thinking about it. When the chaos calmed, everyone else was asleep – it was just me, my thoughts and my anxiety.
Last time I took loads of pregnancy tests until I got a positive, this time I said I’ll just take one, but it doesn’t have to be now. Then, while pushing my girl in the buggy out shopping, a flash of nausea. I brushed it off. Then a day later, another wave of nausea. By this time I knew. I may as well take the test – in some ways, the nausea brought me back to reality – who was I trying to fool?
So on the Friday night I rang my partner to pick up a test on the way home from work. I’d take it in the morning – then we’d go out somewhere. I didn’t want a big conversation whatever the result was.
Well at least now I wasn’t in denial.
I tried to be happy, I wasn’t angry, upset or devastated – I just needed time. And time helped.
My circumstances didn’t actually ease – things didn’t get “better” in a rosy sense – in many ways, things became more challenging as the sickness and vomiting escalated. I had to get in more help – I had to ask even more of my partner who was already overstretched at work. But with time, the fear eased. Acceptance felt better than denial. In time, whatever was a bit broken started to heal. I was able to start thinking of names, that was a turning point, something positive in the future.
Weeks later all those original emotions seem so distant. They were legitimate, it’s what I felt at the time, but they didn’t last. Things are looking up and I can honestly say I am truly excited to meet my new little one.
For more information about when to take a pregnancy test, see the NHS website here. If you have been affected by Chloe’s Story: Pregnancy Matters™ and would like to talk to someone, contact us via one of our helplines.