Andrew’s Story
“I didn’t know I would feel like this,” he said. “I thought it would be done, would be gone, would go back to normality…but instead, it feels like hell. The end.”
When Andrew contacted Life’s National Helpline, he was overwhelmed. His partner had recently had an abortion, and the weight of what had happened was just beginning to hit.
“I didn’t know I would feel like this,” he said. “I thought it would be done, would be gone, would go back to normality…but instead, it feels like hell. The end.”
At first, the Life listener thought Andrew was simply trying to come to terms with a decision made early in the pregnancy. But the truth was more complex.
Andrew and his partner, Val, had just returned from a much-needed holiday. A week later, Val met him at the door, smiling and waving a positive pregnancy test. “It’s happened,” she said. “We’re going to be mummy and daddy.”
Andrew’s reaction was one of shock, not joy. “If she had punched me, it wouldn’t have felt worse,” he said. “I must have looked horrified. She asked if I was okay. I just blamed work.”
That night passed in silence. Val cried in the bathroom. Andrew stayed in bed. The next day, they cancelled a weekend with friends, and Andrew finally voiced his concerns. “Do you think we’re ready?” he asked. “Just think what it would mean.” But his words only triggered an emotional explosion. Val screamed, swore, and left.
When she returned late that night, she was quiet. On Monday, everything seemed “normal” again — until Andrew received a call from her at work. “It’s all arranged. I go in for the procedure on Friday. So, all sorted for you.”
Trying to make peace, Andrew brought flowers home that night. They opened a bottle of wine, and he told her, “We have plenty of time… when work is less stressful… we’re good.”
On Friday, he offered to go with her. She said no.
That was three months ago. “She’s not the same,” Andrew said. “She doesn’t laugh. We don’t talk. We don’t go out.”
Then came the breaking point.
“I found a scan picture,” he said. “I asked her why she still had it. She said, ‘Because I was too far along for tablets. I hate you.’ Then she went to bed.”
Andrew couldn’t sleep. “I looked at that picture, and I saw a baby. A head. A body. Not a blob. A baby. I can’t look at her. I know why she hates me.”
At Life, we know how painful it is when reality hits after abortion — for both women and men. Andrew’s grief wasn’t just about the child lost, but the breakdown of trust, love, and identity.
Our trained listener stayed with Andrew as he processed his pain — exploring his feelings, the loss of the child, the loss of his relationship, and the loss of himself.
Because healing begins with being heard. And at Life, we’re here to listen.
